Pathetic Geek Stories

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I always try to pick the best stories I receive--


But, of course, I'm not objective. Who is? (If you are, please don't write in to tell me so.) The point is, I get a LOT of gross disgusting stories about bodily functions. I generally don't draw them. Why? I certainly acknowledge that they're atrociously embarrassing and repugnant. Shitters, farters, and possessors of public hard-ons everywhere will certainly relate to them. But I personally don't think they're all that interesting. Even though some of the stories are funny and resonant, I just don't feel that farting or shitting stand by themselves as reliable geek indicators. Sometimes I'll do one if the circumstances surrounding the function are entertaining enough; but generally, nah.


I expect PGS readers would fall into "Pro" and "Anti" camps too. But because this is a strip by The People, and this new website now gives me the freedom to publish material I've never used, I thought I would use the opportunity to finally give this previously voiceless, disfranchised group of pants pissers and power pukers its say.


Here now, with minimal editing, is a small sampling of the bodily function stories you have sent me. Am I preserving the good name of PGS or am I just being a prude? Let me know what you think.

In high school physics class I went up to the front of the class to sharpen my pencil. We were working on problems do it was really quiet in class. I sneezed so hard that I farted. I panicked and went back to my seat without even sharpening my pencil. I was so embarrassed to see my friend as well as the teached trying hard not to laugh. The next week all I heard were farting noises made by students in class and as I walked the halls.

- Jessica

In 6th grade I was a pathetic geek. (Who wasnt). Things were looking up however when i was invited to Peter's birthday party.


This was a big deal... to be around all the cool people and to be invited to a party! I was determined to be make an impression.


The party was held in the backyard. I gorged myself on hot dogs, then cake and kool aid. Then more cake and kool aid. I was in the way back of the yard in the tree fort, with some kids when I began to feel sick.


I immediately jumped down from the tree, running towards the house as fast as I could, through the crowds of kids(probalbly 30 to 40 of them. (EVERYBODY fro m our grade)

With my scrawny pasty white legs I began to run up the back stairs (with white carpets) to the bathroom. I didnt make it....


I completely lost control, sending diarrhea shooting out down my legs and onto the nice clean carpet. I kept running to the bathrrom, and locked myself in.


Crying hystericall and hearing all the cries and laughter from the kids outside I finished..

Peter's mom knocked on the door with a set of his clothing, and took mine to wash. (I think they had to replace the carpet)


In humiliation I was picked up by my mom in the shitbox Fairmont station wagon. (This was an upper middle class town... more BMW's than Fairmonts)


I didnt get invited to many more parties, needless to say, and for a few years after was known as The party pooper" What could of been....


ONe time i went to the st louis arch with my family and as we got into the elevator i got so scared on the ride up that i shit my pants!!!

-A. (guy)

Good day! My name is Robert, and I have a story that might possibly amuse you. When I was a wee lad, I found himself wandering my church's parking lot. At the time, it was devoid of people. Suddenly, I felt the urge to go to the bathroom and, noting that nobody was outside except a few cars, I went to the bushes to do my business. To my chagrin, there was a van in the lot with tinted windows, which housed several little girls who saw me lose a couple fluid ounces. They giggled at me, but I pretended not to know that they saw.

Hope you found this amusing. :)

When I was a senior, I signed up to take the SAT's. The night before, I went with a friend to a Mexican restaurant to celebrate her birthday, where I ate many enchiladas. The next day as I took my SAT's, I realized I really had to go to the bathroom, but if I left the room my test scores would be cancelled. So I pooped my pants. Everyone could smell it. During the short break I ran to the bathroom to clean up as best I could, but it didn't help. I got a 1330 on the test but went home humiliated and stinky.


I went to a large public school for the first time in seventh grade. Before that, I had attended a small private school. On my first day, I really wanted people to like me, so I was especially open and friendly. Lo and behold, in my English class, a cool guy asked me what my name was! I told him, "Daniel." As I turned around to go to my seat, he let out a roaring fart and yelled, "Oh my god! Daniel, what's wrong with you?!" Everyone laughed except for me, and I sat down in my seat in shame and embarrassment. From then on, I had only horrible experiences in public school.

once when i was at disneyworld on vacation with my family i had to go #2 really bad, but i was too embarrassed to do it in the funpark bathrooms. finally, my bowels gave out and i cut a liquid fart in my shorts. nobody else wanted to leave, so i had to wear my dad's jacket for the rest of the day to hide the stain my pants. . .i was 15 when this happened.


Once in college, I was at this party and really had to take a shit. So, I went upstairs to use the bathroom and someone was in there. I was about to expel waste manner into my pants, so I started checking all of the bedroom doors. The doors were all locked so no one could break in during the party and steal something. So, I literally kicked open one of the bedroom doors, took a shit in someone's closet, then sneaked out of the party. On Monday, everyone was relating the story and trying to find out who did it. I just sat there making believe I wasn't listening.


When I was about 10 I was playing Defender at an arcade and got so excited playing the game that I wet my pants - something which had not happened in years. It was a long run to the mall restrooms, and when I got there, two older girls were hanging out near them. I heard them laughing as I rushed in to clean myself up. The hand dryer sort of helped. When I went back out, the girls were still there, laughing and looking at me. When I lied and said that I had spilled a Coke on myself, they just said, "Yeah right!" and laughed harder.


Later, as my Grandma drove me and my friend home, she said that she thought something smelled funny, but I said I couldn't smell anything.


When i was in 8th grade, i was in my 7th hour choir class where i sat nearby one of the cutest girls. I had the biggest crush on her forever.


So i sent her a note to ask her out to the dance on that Friday. She said yes and on the night of the dance, i wasn't feeling good, but I had to go, so i went anyways. So we we're dancing, and after the song was over i felt sick, so i started for the bathroom, but heaved my guts out. She broke up with me 3 days later.


During the 7th grade I had to sing a solo during part of our Christmas performance. Right before I had to sing I became nervous, which prompted the early teen responce of a boner. I did my part and then stepped back. I was relieved when nobody said anything to me after the show. When I got in the car my brother said, "Nice job...showing 200 people your boner!!!"


When I was a freshman in high school, I was somewhat well-known through my older, and more popular brother, so going to my first dance, I figured I might not feel too awkward.


I got to the dance, and soon found a nitche, and occaisonally found myself in the lurch behind my brother and his friends. After a short time, I was asked to dance by a very attractive girl that knew my brother. Well, it didn't take long for nature to run it's course, and get me, let's say, excited.


At the end of the dance, she rushed away from me without a word.


This very same thing happened with four more girls, each time getting myself all worked up. Finally, after the fifth girl, I chased after her to see where she was going.


It turned out, that my brother and all of his friends were sending these girls up to ask me to dance so they could laugh at me around the corner as I stood there with a buldge in my pants at the end of each dance. ha ha ha- real funny!


One day on my way to class I need to take a shit bad. So ran to a nearby building looking for a restroom. But before I can find one I had shit out a small among of fluid shit in my underwear. I ran into the restroom and take off my pant and it all came out like dropping a big bomb. The impact was strong that it went all over the toilet, small piece of foods that I had for lunch all over the wall of the toilet. I sat for a while and took my underwear off and rush the toilet and wash my hands. A student came into the restroom and saw my yellow shit underwear on the floor "what the hell happen in here? " I smile at him "don't know, it is not me" and ran out the door.


Back in the early 90's I was waiting in a Richdale to pay for a soda. The line was long so I got in the back of the line. After a moment or so this real pretty girl got in line in back of me. I had recently broken up with my girlfriend and wanted to see if I still "had it." I turned around and started talking to her. It was going well. I was just about to ask for her number when she made a joke. I snorted. If that wasn't bad enough, I made a huge snot bubble. It was so big I could see it with my own eyes. I looked up and her face was that of utter disgust. I turned around and waited in line for another 2 minutes.


At the start of 5th grade, my mother and I moved to Texas. On the morning of my first day of school, I had a fit of nervous hunger and ate some chocolate cowboy boots that my mom's hippie redneck boyfriend had standing on his coffee table. So off I went to school, and everything was all right (for the first day at a new school) for a while.


Lunchtime rolled around and we had pizza and grape juice. I had made a couple new friends, much to my surprise, and we sat together at lunch and walked back toward our class.


As we walked, I began to realize that something was NOT quite right. About5 minutes after returning to class, I went up to the teacher and waited next to her desk for my turn to speak to her. Well, before I got the chance it was too late, and I threw up technicolor purple all over her and her desk.


Then I got everything between the classroom and the boys' room. It wasn't until later that evening after my mom came and got me from school I found out the boots were about 80% wax, 20% chocolate, and were responsible for the whole incident.


Hope you like it, even if you don't use it...glad I can look back and laugh, and glad you're doing the strip, cause it hits home and makes me laugh and wince all at once.


When I was in high school I was (as for most of my school years) a loner/loser. The loner/loser crowd were the only ones who actually stood at the bus stop to catch the school bus; the cool kids all stayed in their nice warm houses until the bus showed up, then made it wait while they sauntered out. At my bus stop, the only other person uncool enough to actually stand out there was Lee, a blind girl who had no choice. One cold day when we were both standing there not talking to each other, I felt a fart coming on. I tried desperately to hold it back, but all that did was impart a high-pitched squealing quality to the sound, like a balloon being tortured. "What was that?!" Lee said, startled. "I, uh, don't know," I mumbled, and the two of us just stood there while a small poisonous cloud wafted around to let her know that I knew *exactly* what that sound had been. To this day, I think of myself as the kind of person who lies to blind people...


Hmm...maybe I have been a prude. Some of these stories are kinda entertaining.


When I was a freshman at a community college I took a photography class with a hot young coed named Monica. We knew some of the same people from highschool, so we hit it off and flirted for weeks... I was a hippy-dork with longish Neil Young hair parted in the middle and usually wore tie-dyed tee shirts and a cammo army jacket... I drove a jacked up '72 Chevelle junker hotrod at the time, of which I was unjustifiably proud. One morning on my way to class after a night of drinking, I threw up while driving down a busy avenue.. I grabbed an empty 7-11 bag and wiped the windshield so I could see.. When I got to school, there was no time to clean up the dashboard, so I went to the bathroom and clean up myself and went to class... After class, Monica saw my car in front of the photography building and knowing we both had our next class on the other side of campus asked me for a ride. Since I couldn't refuse without looking like a jerk, I drove her to her next class. After sitting in the sun for 90 minutes, my car had a powerful stench to it, not to mention unsightly vomit on the dashboard. I don't think she ever spoke to me again....


Way back in 1990 I had gone on a class field trip to one of the local University computer labs. I was in the third grade at the time. The computers were all green tinted monochrome with some old, archaic processor.


The staff sat us down and briefly showed us how to use them. We basically chose what educational game we wanted to play from a numbered list of choices. I chose "Make a Monster," in which you could progressively assemble a monster by solving math problems. Needless to say, I became engrossed in the game. This is where the trouble came up. I don't know about the rest of human-kind, but when I get excited (amused, not sexually) and I haven't, *ahem*, cleared my rectum sometime within the past few hours, I feel subtle bowel movements. There I was, fidgeting around in my seat, trying to hold it in. 2*3+4=10, what body part would you like to add? Plop! Before I knew what happened, I accidentally let go of my muscle's tight grip on my rectum. I shit my pants.


As we assembled outside to get on the bus and go back to school, I noticed some of the other kids backing off from me, making disgusted faces. And then one of them pointed at me and yelled "Nour shit his pants!"


I sat in the foremost row of the bus, with the other losers.


In 1981 I was 18 when I had my first college interview at Dartmouth College. I wore chinos, a striped button-down shirt, and TopSiders. I sat in a hard wooden chair and tried to answer the interview questions intelligently. But five minutes into the interview I felt an overwhelming need to break wind. I tried to breathe evenly so no sharp breath would set it off. I also tried to surreptitiously arrange my butt in a strategic muffling position, but the combination of thin chinos and a wooden chair without cushions made for hopelessness. The inevitable happened. Loudly and resonantly. Five seconds later my flatulence was followed by another resonant blast. My face went beet red and I didn't acknowledge it in anyway other than blushing profusely. (I didn't end up getting in to Dartmouth.)

-David W.

When I was 11, I was eating an apple when I had to go pee. I put the apple in my mouth but just when I leaned forward to flush the toilet, I dropped the apple & it plugged up the loo, causing it to overflow. My folks were at my Grandparents house a few blocks over, so no one was there to help me. I closed the bathroom door & ran downstairs, turned on the TV & tried to ignore it, planning to feign ignorance. I waited & waited for them to come home.. & then the worst happened. I had to go number 2. Goddamned apples. I didn't dare even enter the bathroom, so I found a jar from under the sink. I did my business ... but I missed the jar. I hid the evidence in the "playhouse" outside. My parents freaked out about the toilet because you could see the apple, then my Mom found the misdeed outside. "It's dog poo!" I pleaded. "NO THIS IS PEOPLE POO!!"


I was grounded for 2 weeks.


i was moving back into my co-ed dorm for my second semester of college. after a long drive back to campus and several trips hauling heavy bags up to the sixth floor i felt a pressing need to take a dump. i rushed into the communal bathroom and settled into a stall, unleashing a stinky torrent of watery waste. just as the worst was over, i heard a couple of people entering the bathroom and was horrified when i realized they were girls (sisters or girlfriends of other dorm residents i thought). they were making comments about how this bathroom was bigger than the other one, when one of them must have seen my feet and said "there's some one in here... oh god, it stinks!" before they both rushed out. i sat in fear in that stall for at least half an hour before preparing to rush back to my room hoping they would be long gone by the time i left the bathroom. i cautiously opened the door and peered around the hallway - all clear. later on i discovered that the men's and ladies' bathrooms were rotated every semester, and even worse, i recognized the voices of the two girls living next to me as the ones in the bathroom. i hid the brand new boots i was wearing in the back of my closet and never wore them again that semester.


when i was in fourth grade we had to ask permission to go to the bathroom. well, one day i really had to go. it was about 5 minutes before school was going to let out so i went up and asked my teacher, Mr. Busse, if i could go. in some cruel twist of fate he denied me the access i so desperately desired supplying no reason. but i really had to go. at the end of the day we stood for prayer,it being parochial school and all, and i felt like i couldn't hold it any longer. Mr.Busse was about halfway through the prayer and i just let it go. i started peeing right in the middle of prayer and all over my favorite brown courderoys no less. after the prayer Mr. Busse noticed what had happend and told me to get some paper towels to clean the mess up. well, when it was time to line up to catch the bus, the children from the first and second grades would come into our room to wait. as i was getting the towels, Mr. Busse scolded some first and second graders who were actually playing in my puddle of pee! after the mess was cleaned up, i ran to the bathroom to change into a pair of gray courderoys that i had miraculously brought with me to school and sat by myself on the busride home.


do with this what you will, i just needed to share it.


When I was 12, i discovered my uncle's collection of "Gallery" and 'Oui" girlie magazines. Thinking I was cool, I ripped out a centerfold to show to my friends at my junior high.

During algebra class, I was looking at the illicit picture, hidden inside my Trapper Keeper. After becoming visibly aroused, I was called to the front of the class to complete a problem on the board.


Reluctantly, I went up to the front of the class, holding the Trapper in front of me. I thought I had concealed my problem, until the picture fell onto the floor. Redfaced, I was promptly sent to the principals office and my mom was called to pick me up.



a pathetic geek named Eddie in Utah

I once got really drunk at a friend's house when i was about 17 and i had never drank before. So halfway through the night I had to vomit and I ran into the bushes and vomited everywhere. I came back and went to sleep and the next morning I woke up and reached for my shoes and in front of everyone put them on, finding out in the process that they were full of vomit! Something I was unaware of the night before! The whole day people kept asking if i could smell something, but i couldn't tell them what the smell was but i because I was just a pathetic geeky boy with vomit in his shoes.


As a sophmore in high school, my mother always made me eggs for breakfast. They were good except they caused alot of trouble around 2nd period. In my English Lit class the teacher had a seating chart that was to be followed religiously. I was stuck in a corner surrounded by beautiful cheerleaders. One day the eggs really kicked in and I farted while the whole class was silent, taking a test. I tried to play it off like it was my shoe scraping the floor, but two minutes later I farted again and all the girls looked at me in awe and disgust. I didn't get a date till senior year.


Know what? I take back what I said earlier. These stories make my eyes sting. Ugh!


In college I hung out at the arcade playing this video game called Gladiator with my buds Jeff, Jamie, and Brett. We were playing one day when I felt the call of nature (#2). Like most people I perform an effective papering process of the toilet seat before placing my buttocks upon it. Back at the arcade, I step up to my turn at Gladiator and I begin to hear some snickering from my buds. Looking back to see what was going on, the three feigned innocence. Later in that day, I was walking to class through the crowded college center and I finally noticed with horror that I had 3 feet of bogroll dangling from the back of my jeans! Geekdom at its finest.


Back when I was in middle school, I like every other little boy was subject to the hard times of puberty. One day around lunch time I was walking back from the library with the rest of my class and as we passed through the lunch room I noticed several people laughing and giving me funny looks. A teacher finally pointed out to me that my pants were unzipped, and to make things worse I had an erection sticking out from them. I never lived that day down. I'd like to remain anonymous if my story gets picked. Thank you for your time!

I was once traveling to a music festival in Denmark with some German friends, & we stopped at a friend's grandmother's house in Munich to stay the night. We all had fun & talked most of the evening. The next morning I awoke in my underwear, unknowing that I had a huge boner. Thinking I was the only one up, I made my way to the bathroom, only to run into my friend's grandma who pretended not to notice.


Later in the car I was reprimanded severely by the grand daughter & her friends. (Who I didn't even know that well.) Thanks!